Zombie Cliche Lookout: It’s a Long Story
I’m borrowing this trope from another genre. That’s not to say it can’t make an appearance in a zombie story, but you’ll generally find this situation in a fish-out-of-water style comedy. A character will get him/herself into a ridiculous situation, and then complicate it and exacerbate it over and over again as they try vainly to fix it. Only when they reach a crescendo of absurdity does another character come in to witness the madness. Rather than trying to explain, they usually just say “Don’t ask”, or “It’s a long story”.
Oh those wacky characters.
Of course, this could work perfectly well in a zombie flick. Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland both proved how well comedy mixes with the zombie apocalypse. Even the classic Dawn of the Dead had a number of ridiculous comic moments – my personal favorite being the blood pressure cuff guy (RIP). It also had a pie fight, which… yeah.
About this Episode:
I think at least three different people called for Murphy to take a wheelbarrow ride. I wish I could say that this was purely fan service, but I have to admit, the only reason that wheelbarrow made an appearance is because Murphy was going to need it as a crappy, crappy wheelchair. I think it’s pretty hilarious how many of you called me on my Checkov’s wheelbarrow. Good job on you all.
Discussion Question: Zombie Kill 2: The Sequel
Our last question about our favorite fictional character to accompany us on a zombie killing adventure was a lot of fun, so I’m immediately sequelizing it. Yeah, I’m a hack; sue me.
This time around, let’s pick a historical figure. The real historical figure. If you pick William Wallace, you get the real William Wallace, not the one from Braveheart. Don’t get me wrong, Braveheart was a heck of an entertaining film, but historically accurate it was not.
“Don’t Ask.” Haha.
Indeed.
The question reminds me of that scene from Fight Club:
Tyler: “Okay, any historical figure.”
Narrator: “I’d fight Gandhi.”
Tyler: “Good answer.”
Narrator: “How about you?”
Tyler: “Lincoln.”
Narrator: “Lincoln?”
Tyler: “Mm. Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight till they’re burger.”
Who would I want to partner up with in the zombie apocalypse? Well, you’ve got your leaders, organizers, generals, and all-out fighters. In a survival situation, I might go for any one of those, but more likely a fighter or organizer. Going with my earlier assertion that you don’t fight zombies, so much as you hunt them, I think I’d pick “Buffalo Bill” Cody- Medal of Honor recipient, decorated scout, crack shot, and buffalo hunter. Give a decent rifle and let him go to town.
Not a bad choice at all, Bo.
Thomas Edward Lawrence
Reason?
He was a pure badass
1: Adventurer
2: Archaeologist
3: Soldier
4: Diplomat
If anyone could survive in a world filled with irrational people with guns, the unending undead, and living off the bare minimum.
This guy.
And he’s used to living in tough conditions. That’s a plus too.
Yeah, that’s a pretty good one. Just don’t give him a motorbike.
Lol “Don’t ask” Murphy is definitely taking getting shot buy Brent pretty well I’d be wanting to punch that dude in the face.
For the question I would pick Vlad the Impaler, because he was freakin crazy lol
He’s a more patient man than I, that’s for damn sure.
Vlad’s an interesting choice. I wonder if the real man is as bad as we’ve been led to believe.
Wheeeee!!! Too bad Brent is being so nice and cautious.
Hmmm, tough choice. To be a little crazy, it would fun to see Hitler or Napoleon in action, but perhaps not on my side…
I hate Hitler and Napoleon.Any historical figure…. man Dave, you sure give hard choices.
Next you’ll be asking what clothes would be best to wear to survive in a zombie apocalypse.
Easy. Shag rug armor. Think about it. Bite proof and fairly lightweight. Just glue pieces of carpet to a leather jacket and an over-sized pair of pants.
But for surviving the EOTW, everyone knows you need to make armor from bathroom tiles wrapped in fiberglass and glued together with roofing tar…
Well, obviously.
Well I think everyone hates Hitler and Napoleon. I hope so anyway.
For clothes? I’d probably find a leather jacket, work gloves, thick canvas pants, and work boots. Maybe some lumberjack chaps too.
I wouldn’t mind seeing Hitler getting devoured by zombies.
Zombie Hitler?
(I can’t believe it’s been done. Just Google it)
http://zombieresearchsociety.com/archives/5309
I couldn’t come up with a historical figure I really liked. It’s interesting, however, to note that a lot of historical figures are judged by their actions, not by their skills.
Although if we stretch the term a bit, one “historical” figure I wouldn’t mind fighting alongside is Dr Who! 😀
“first, we have to survive the zombie apocalypse”
“And then what?”
“And then we have to erase it from the timeline”
“And all knowledge of zombies with it?”
“Yeah, probably …”
😀
*The Doctor.
Uncultured little swine.
😉
Yeah, that’s a stretch, but I think it counts.
Appearing in no particular order
Francis Marion
Carlos Hathcock
Almost any member of the 395th Infantry (Butler’s Blue Battlin’ Bastards) that survived the Battle of the Bulge. Specifically Elsenborn Ridge
Charlie Beckwith,
Philip H Bucklew
I may be stretching this one a bit, because understandably not everyone believes in him, but from a Christian point of view I would say Jesus. He could probably whip up a miracle and turn a zombie into food, or reverse a zombie bite. And as everyone who watches Family Guy knows, him and Moses both have loads of guns.
As a habit, I divide these zeepoc scenarios into stages. Early (outbreak), Middle (civilization, infrastructures, on verge of collapse), Late (world overrun-survival of the fittest)
Early Stage: I would want Joan of Arc.
Leader
Warrior/athlete
Driven
One crêpe away from insanity
To ensure her full commitment to the cause (beyond the obvious needs), I would merely wonder out loud as to how could the English have been so vile as to weaponizing the Black Plague while playing La Marseillaise In the background. Then, I let passion, zeal and obsession run it’s course.
Middle/Late Stage: The only historical figure I would want would be Temujin (Genghis Khan)
Warrior
Strategist
Leader
Empire Builder
Genghis Khan was amazing. The way he unified diverse tribal groups into a cohesive, unstoppable wave of conquest, his ability to provide greater incentives than merely death or cake, and the historical fact that his was the largest geographically contiguous empire. The gentleman kicked butt!
Hands down, Leonidas King of Sparta. I don’t think there is anyone in history with better martial skills. Those guys could fight solo for hours and kill dozens of competent warriors, I think he would make a very solid zombie apocalypse survival partner.
Honestly as much as everyone hates hilter I think he would be the one to find a final solution to zombies, but then immediately blame non-Arian races. Lots of +/- on that team up.
However I would love to team up with the historic tv 3 stooges, not only are they seemingly industucable (sp), but just when you think they are toast… They pop right up around the corner. They are the perfect bait & switch for any problem. Yes I know they are just people in real life, but “Any historic CHARACTER” I will not chance any opportunity to take liberal artistic license with something.