Episode 355: Orders

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Zombie Cliche Lookout: Divide and Conquer

We all know that “Let’s split up, we can cover more ground that way” is the path to death in every scary movie ever, and not just zombie movies. But what about dividing up to get different jobs done? I mean, that’s being pragmatic. That’s cool, right?

Well, maybe.

As far as I’m concerned, there’s worlds of difference between splitting up in the dark to investigate a strange noise, and dividing and conquering on a task list. Of course, with zombies running around outside, you can never be too careful, right? Besides, the zombies never really ask my opinion on good survival strategy, they just attack when they get an opportunity.

About this Episode:

I’ve been enjoying having the comic outside, but here we are, but indoors again.

Of course, this is a new location, which means I get to build some new furniture, which is always fun. So what kind of furniture would a guy like Ted have in his house? Apparently some sort of red and black chest of drawers situation. Funky.

Other News:

Big apologies for the lack of a write-up last episode. I don’t get a lot of migraines (maybe two or three a year), but when I do, they tend to knock my right on my ass. This one knocked me out for a day, and I felt pretty crummy for two days after that. Not fun.

Discussion Question: Zombie Survival Liability

Time for some self-reflection, boys and girls. What sort of personality traits do you have that could get you killed during the zombie apocalypse? What is there about you that might be a huge zombie survival liability?

I’ll play too.

For me, it would have to be my short temper. I could very easily see myself get frustrated at something (mad at those damn zombies, perhaps) and then do something stupid and get myself into trouble.

38 thoughts on “Episode 355: Orders”

  1. for me dividing and conquereing is NEVER! a good idea because once a survivor is alone you have ZERO communication!

    • Lack of communication is a really good point.

      • How big a house is it that they can’t call to each other? It’s not like it’ll attract any more zombies than the gunshots will, right?

      • So where are your handheld radios?

      • i would make a group of 2-5 people. Mostly because we cant feed everybody, you have someone to have your back still though, and someone to help you find supplies without using them in a day or two. good group, good group.

        • You have a group now?

          Or are you saying that ideally you would like two to five people in your group, Funny thing Helmuth von Moltke the Elder wrote on the subject, “No plan survives contact with the enemy”. In this case, the enemy is a lack of preparation and a dynamic situation. I can say “I’ll have a group of five people”. and then four of them won’t show up. I’d plan for whatever family you can muster, including wife and kids, maybe grandparents and in-laws.

          One preparation I have made is in handheld radios. FRS/GMRS are ok at best. They have a real-life range of about a mile. Some take rechargeable battery packs and AA batteries. That’s a big plus, as AA batteries have a long shelf life. For longer range communications VHF radio is hard to beat. They’re durable, are available from five to over fifty watts, and can run on AA batteries up to car batteries and with wall warts to run on 120 AC.

          When it hits the fan communication is going to be vital. Folks will need to get news of developing situations independent of internet or broadcast media (which will likely shut down a few days after a global-scale event).

          If you have the means, HF is even better. With the right radio and antenna one can communicate around the world with Morse code on as little as five watts of power.

          I know I got a little off-track there. My point is that our intrepid heroes could really use some radio communications about right now.

        • good point Bo, very good indeed, you will need some comunications, smoke might do the trick, but who has the time to do that when you’re on the run? I have a bag of nails in my survival kit, so i can tell people where im going if i can’t pull out my walkie-talkie in time

        • What kind of walkie-talkie do you like?

  2. my traits are my impatience (i dont wait around for anything), my vast knowledge of shortcuts (i can cut my travel time in half), my quietness(they wont see me commin) and my endurance (il fight to the damm end).

    • Impatience is a big one; I have that problem myself.

  3. I’ll join the impatience group as well as the short temper one. But I beleive this are minor compared to the one I fear the most, which is I think I’m always right. And don’t go telling me otherwise, because I know I’m right about that.

    But in all seriousness, that last one I gotta work in, people generally don’t like a smart ass and that is something I tend to be, and now I’m trying really hard to work on.

    • Nnnooooooooooo…you?
      I suffer the same problem

  4. I was wondering how hard it would be to defend the place since I believe there were only a few zeds wandering around. And for the discussion question I feel my liabilities would be my clumsiness and my ditziness.

  5. my problem? well i don’t too many problems, i’m decently in shape, im a real hitter when i destroy things, i can throw my knife, i only need lunch and i can go a while on that. My only concerns are that when i don’t have my bike, i can hardly jog, and im a pretty crappy shooter. So maybe if i follow some of the rules in zombieland then i’ll be alright, not one medical condition, pretty good at dissapearing into a group of 12 or more. i’d give myself a good six monthes in the zombie apocalypse, wdyk?

  6. Mostly my appearing anger problems, which isn’t a short temper it’s just explosive anger occasionally.. Umm.. I get bored really easy so I don’t know how much of a liability that can be? TO be really bored?

    • i get bored pretty easily too. Thats why i have a pair of dice and a deck of cards in my survival kit, right next to my first aid kit and my binoculars, the binoculars are kinda for fun

  7. for me I’d say it is that I’m fairly lazy, and by no definition am I in shape. (well, unless you’re definition relies on being quite fat.) I’m also quite arrogant in a way, I’m quite smart but not as smart as I sometimes believe myself to be. that could either save me by giving me a boost of confidence when I need it or kill me by giving me a boost of confidence when I don’t need it, all in all. I would die within the first week or so.

    • yeah i have the same problem

  8. I suffer from impatience (mostly from stupidity of others), self indulgent, egotistical, sarcastic and yet people still like me. Oh yes and by in shape you mean round, well that’s the shape I’m in.

    • yeah im kinda of a smart ass

  9. I am not exactly in shape, but i’m not fat either. I look OK but I tire easily unless there is something to do with adrenaline involved. Other than that, I’d say I’m pretty well-rounded.

    I’m a decent leader, I am an excellent shot with a crossbow and hunting rifle, I win all the “Quick draw” competitions with the fastest speed and best accuracy and I can go for two days on one medium sized meal without my brain clogging up with indecision. I think my only downfall would be the stress involved with the zombie apocalypse and my lack of stamina.

    • i can jog a good 4 blocks before tiring. so i’ve got that covered

  10. Mines my know it all “I’ve seen so many zombie movies I know what to do” nature. $10 says I’ll be eaten in the first week

    • I’ll take you up on that bet.

  11. Mmm…Cheetos.

    My overconfidence would cause problems. As a small child, I viewed myself as the best fighter the world had ever known. I then challenged some teenagers to a duel and got my butt kicked. O course, being the conceited little you-know-what that I was back then, I credited their victory to luck, but I digress.
    I also tend to be really lazy. My non-athleticness, so to speak, would very much get in the way. If I didn’t get some form of decent armour or other protection within a few weeks…Bye bye.
    I’m also a bit sardonic and unsympathetic at first glance. In reality I’m a nice guy, but if I’m stressed I can come off as an insensitive sarcastic jerk, especially if you are annoying and don’t go away.
    I’m also long-winded.

  12. Unfortunately, with the loss of Gene and Ted running off, they’re in a damned if they do, damned if they don’t situation.

    Clark’s going to have to hold and barricade the door.

    Nurse Ratched is going to have to go off and find Ted, make sure he’s not run off to put them into trouble.

    • That’s what we’re calling her now, “Nurse Ratched”?

      Laws, that’s a nasty stereotype.

    • yeah, running off after someone is a big no no, moreoff less yourself running after something, like marius’ Cheetos, or my toilet paper, it can wait… well, the Cheetos can anyway.

  13. I’ve got the same problem everyone else has- pride. The only difference is that I can see it.

    When you can’t see your pride it leads to hubris; and in a survival situation prideful and arrogant mother——s become dead mother——s in a hurry.

  14. ok question who has seen world war z

    • I have no desire to see it. It is my opinion that Max Brooks’s so-called zombie survival guide is unfit for emergency butt wipe or tinder. It is at the top (bottom?) of my list of most-despised books.

      • I like the concept of a serious zombie outbreak and then discusses it rather than building a narrative around it, but from what I recall, Brooks book was, like most ‘zombie apocalypse’ fiction, hung up on the idea that zombies are a great threat by themselves (I think they’re one of the least threatening monsters in history, myself).

        Like I said though, I like the concept even if the execution was lacking. I wouldn’t let it put me off the idea, and would give another zombie flavoured survival manual a chance if I saw one, if on inspection it was less like Brooks’ and more like the zombie squad.

    • I started a page in the forum for WWZ. Also most people don’t know Max Brooks is Mel Brooks son.

      • Same name, none of the talent…

        • I agree.

  15. I wonder if Clark will have any trouble fixing the door up? A lot of doors you don’t really need to do anything, they’re too strong to break down by hand, but some are a bit more flimsy.

    Probably my ADD. That’s a big problem for me, I get distracted very easily. It’s been a real problem with making preparations now, and I see it being a problem remaining focused and organised after TSHTF.

  16. i’m going to test my mad skillz up at scout camp tomorrow, too bad i’ll be missing 3 new episodes

  17. I was right! they did barricade the door.