Episode 217: Are You Paying Attention

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Zombie Cliche Lookout: Move or Die

In zombie movies, and even in a lot of action movies, it seems like there’s always that one person who can’t seem to manage to get their head together and get moving while they’ve got a chance. Sometimes they’re frozen and don’t know how to react, other times their distracted by less important things that have given them tunnel vision, and sometimes they just grossly under-appreciate the severity of the situation.

Invariably, someone has to put themselves at risk to get the distracted party moving, and they’re generally not too happy about it. Sometimes it all works out well, and everyone survives. Maybe they even learn a valuable lesson. Other times the result is… less ideal.

About this Episode:

I really wanted to do an episode from the point of view of the cameraman. I don’t know why, but I thought it’d be fun to mock up the camera’s heads up display. And you know what? It kind of was.

For the display, I didn’t get too fancy. Just a few icons for battery and recording. Probably not terribly accurate, but what can you do (other than research, of course, which is preposterous)?

Also, I’ve always wanted to do a black and white episode.

Discussion Question: Improvised Weapons

No cheating on this one, everyone. If you start listing a bunch of guns, swords, etc., then you’re either full of crap, or very, very prepared.

Okay, the zombies attack right now. Look around the room you’re in and find the best zombie killing weapon before they break through the door and eat your face. Tell us where you are and what you chose.

I’m at work while I write this, so my options are pretty damn limited. About fifteen feet or so from my desk is a paper slicer. I’d kick the blade/handle thing of that and hope for the best.

116 thoughts on “Episode 217: Are You Paying Attention”

  1. I sleep with a .22 rifle by me ( I have had 1 pistol and 2 iPads stolen out of a truck so if I hear that alarm I pick it up and look out the window) and that tomahawk I mentioned earlier.

    • You sleep with a gun? Ewww Creepy.

      • Well, but him. He’s not spooning it or anything… right guy?

        • Some times you just guttah kiss on your fire arms.

  2. A fish-gutting knife in my drawer from my grandpa, but if I can’t reach that, then I would take the small wooden bar I keep to seal my window shut, and I would bludger them with it. If not that, grab my bunny (See last episodes comment) any supplies on hand and then smash out the screen door and then run away!

    • Not a bad plan.

  3. The back of the office chair that fell off about a month ago has a very nice bent piece of metal in it, I would just have to dislodge the seat cushion from it but it’s heavy, and bent and would make a fairly decent macing weapon! 😀

    • Do you think you would have enough time to get it out?

      • It’s already fallen off the chair, all I’d need to do is whack the wood and fabric seat back off which would only take a few seconds with a couple of hits against a solid object! 😀

        • Don’t you just love when broken shit piles up at the office? Ah well, quick and easy zombie-defense weapons.

        • This wasn’t in my office because I don’t have one, this is at my home! 😀

  4. @This webcomic: Why is the female paramedic’s right hand in panel 3 a darker color than her left hand? Did she get bitten? 😀

    • Yeah, she sure did.

  5. See episode 202 when she falls off the side of the ambulance she gets cornered by a zombie and is bitten in the third pannel

    • Oops, didn’t see your response before I answered. Well done, Sir Cheese.

  6. I’m in my bedroom… Did I mention I have a mace?

    • I believe you did, yes.

  7. I’m in a defenceless UK room, with some books and a chair.

    • I know right? but at least we don’t get any earthquakes

      • remember, a chair is quite possibly a better weapon than any dagger or small mallet.

        • Don’t worry, I doubt many offices in the US are terribly defensible either. Of course, it’s much more likely we’ll own or at least have access to a gun here.

  8. what? the zombies are coming? uh oh, I’m at home at my computer desk. best weapons I can find? a pocket knife and a trophy I got for winning a go-kart race. In fact, the laptop I’m writing this on would probably pack a punch too but my laptop is sacred to me so, no way.

    • Pocket knife and a trophy? Yikes. I think I’d go with the trophy and hope I could buy myself enough time to get to something better.

      • downstairs in the kitchen there are lots of knives, I’m sure a meat cleaver could do some damage…

  9. Oh no! I’m in trouble. I’m in my kitchen & the only thing I can see that might work is the heavy, cumbersome kitchen chair I’m sitting on. I think we did to good a job of child proofing this place from my niece. If only I could make it to my bedroom where all my guns and swords are, but it seems so far away when I think of trying to dodge my way through… Wait the cast iron skillet! Oh no I took to long to think of it… Save yourselves! Aarrrgh!

    • No knives in your kitchen? That is indeed babyproofed.

      • The knives are in the drawer protected by the stupid “childproof” latch that I don’t want to fight with while a zombie or zombies are coming at me. I’d probably have gone down trying to swing the ridiculously study kitchen chair. Its to awkward to be effective. I imagine I’d have thought of the skillet just as the zombie took its first bite.

    • super like!!

  10. Great episode Dave, nice job on these effects.
    Regarding the question… I had a look at the heavy paper slicer that’s in the copy room next to my desk… there is no way I could pull the blade from that thing without proper tools! And even if I could, I seriously doubt it would be very useful.. I mean, could you really take down a zed with that?
    I think I would grab my coat stand.. at least it can be used to keep the zeds away from me and possibly whack them in the head from a safe distance.

    • Thanks Yatkuu.

      Regarding the slicer. The one at my office is old, and there’s a lot of play in the handle. I think it good shove, or maybe a kick, would knock it right off.

      That said, I can tell you right now it wouldn’t be a good weapon. Heavy and awkward, and probably not terribly good at bashing zombie skulls.

  11. I looked around, and the best things I can come up with are a 20 Lb weight under a desk, the guitar amp under the same desk, or my PC(closest and least important of the PC’s in my living room) or my monitor(even though it is a flat screen it weighs between 15-25 lbs. if I had a couple seconds I could probably grab a CRT(monitor) out of the kitchen, about 5 ft. from my PC(where I spend most of my time), it weighs about 30 lbs. and could probably crush a couple skulls.

    • 30 lbs of weapon would wear you out in a damn hurry though. Hopefully there aren’t too many zeds.

      • if there are more than 2 or three, well, let’s just say I have options. First off I live in a house that is a circle, and if they are shamblers I could trap them in our 2-roomed bathroom(for some reason the tub/shower is separated from the sink and toilet), and if that doesn’t work, there’s always the option of bolting into the back, where I may be able to get my brothers axe(not a wood-cutting axe, it is a small fighting axe meant for fecoration) and get out the back door, and I may be able to then slip into the garage to grab an actual axe(most likely a hatchet) and be ready when they follow me out. Although chances are I would never have to really do that at first(usually at least 2-3 adults in the room) and I would have enough time to choose good weapons from my brothers room and the back room.

  12. Let’s see there isn’t much in my stats class(as of this posted it hasn’t started yet so it is okay for me to be on my computer) there is my pencil (I like to keep mine as sharp as possible ), another students crutch, my computer, a chair, a bar stool, a yard stick, and a fan.

    “The pen is mightier than the sword”
    Since I don’t have a pen then I will choose the pencil. It’s sorta like a pen, just no ink and has a eraser.

    In all seriousness I would us the stool. Good weight and reach.

    • Stool or crutch seem like the best options, although the student who needs the crutch would probably appreciate you choosing the stool.

  13. So I was in the bathroom about to take a shower when I first read this, I was NOT naked yet you perv… unless you’re cute.
    I would pocket my phone and grab the toilet tank cover and take out as many zeds as I could until I am over run in the cramped space. Tell my baby I love him!

    Now that I’m at my office, I have a heavy duty hole-punch with a good handle that I could swing as I made my way out of my office into the cubicle area. Once there, sprint for the door and run like hell.

    The really sucky part about this senario is that there is no time for supplies. I hate the thought of leaving my phone and keys/car behind but I think grabbing them would just time unless you have pockets. My skirt does not.

    • Angelina, scared as hell.. Beating zombies of the head with toilet covers..

      Y’all are making me feel like I’m safe in this school now.. With all the possible weapons that are about… Mainly spike weapons though.

      • I do what I can. =)

    • lol, interesting input Angie but you lost me at the word “naked”.. (and no, capitalizing the “not” didn’t help!)

      • Yeah the naked imput caught me off guard, because that wasn’t the first thing I thought.. I actually instantly thought about all possible weapons in my own bathroom. Just the toilet cover, and 2 metal bars that support different things that would require me to rip them down/off.

        • Calicade, I thought about that too but my towel racks are pretty flimsy and wouldn’t really make a dent. A nice and heavy ceramic tank cover would.

      • Yatkuu, are you cute? lol

        • Pssh of course he is.

        • Well this conversation is certainly taking a turn.

          For what it’s worth, a ceramic toilet tank lid would cause some serious damage, although I doubt it would last very long.

        • lol, Angie you got me there. And thank you Calicade, I appreciate the support! Now if you guys really want to know, I consider myself a decent specimen… but I think we are waaay off topic now.
          (Dave, not that I’m not complaining but this page seriously needs moderation because things could spin out of control real fast!)

        • Don’t worry, if things get too weird I’ll start deleting and editing.

        • Time to begin the erotic role play..

          Jk jk of course… But there is a point in that. I think Dave keeps a good eye on the comment section.. Has powers to edit and fix things. Haven’t you done so before Dave or am I just imagining things?

        • I think to date I’ve only edited two comments because I didn’t like them (discussion of illegal/violent things that make me nervous). I don’t like to moderate too much, because that’s no fun. However, there are limits.

        • I think most people understand the limits around here.. Or just understand what is distasteful.

        • He has.
          I just typed that I considered myself to be “smoking hot” and now that I read my post again I see something quite different..

        • I would agree with that. This is a good community and we don’t really have anyone that likes to push boundaries.

          In fact, on the one comment I edited recently, the commenter and I discussed the whole thing amicably and with mutual understanding. You don’t see that sort of thing happen on the internet too often.

        • A nice clean community with plenty of cursing and talk of killing zombies! Ahh good ol’ Bricks of the dead.. I’m happy that there is a lack of rudeness here.. Keep on driving away the trolls and the foalish!

        • I love this site! lol

        • Dave’s willingness to keep it civil and trim as necessary is the biggest reason I “joined’ this group. No need to get one’s knickers on a twist, as my imaginary Brit alter ego frequently tells me.

          Angela, you have aerosols in the batroom, or other chemicals? I’m wondering about the Spraying In The Eyes With Aquanet bit, or splashing with Drano, as means of termporarily blinding the zees.

        • Beware Yatkuu! she’s only after your epic Winchester model 😀

        • In the bathroom? I’m actually lucky, in a weird way; the tap on our bathroom sink is busted, and you need a screwdriver to turn it. A large screwdriver that sits right next to it, easy to grab at a moments notice.

      • Lawl. I can imagine Dave sitting in his office chair with a gigantic “DELETE COMMENT” button. Sort of creepy if you ask me…

  14. At home, I’m loaded down, no question about that. In fact, I had a difficult time finding improvised weapons. I have some escrima sticks and a wooden sword in the closet; but those aren’t heavy enough to inspire confidence. I have the usual household fare: chairs, a folding baby stroller, various tools (including a large framing hammer and a machete), camping gear (and a large Swamp Rat camp knife), and kitchen knives. I keep my CCW piece on me all the time when awake; so that’s not a problem.

    The plan is to get the kids to the car, then have my wife cover me and protect them while I load the GOOD boxes (that’s “Get Out Of Dodge” for you, Dave) loaded into the car so we can head south. The hardest part is prioritization. I have more boxes packed and ready to go than I have room in the car. My goal is to buy a second car, van, or SUV in the next calendar year that can hold the stuff I keep ready to go. I also plan on building a large medic bag while I am at it. I have a goodly amount of medic gear; but it’s all in Rubbermaid totes right now. I’d prefer a dedicated backpack, either Eagle Industries or Tactical Tailor.

    • I actually carry my bug out bag with me everywhere I go.. People think I keep work/papers in it.

    • Another cool acronym!

      • Put on the BoBs, pack up the GOODs, and GTFO, Because SJHTF.

        • lol nicely said calicade.

  15. Hmm, I’m in my cube-farm, so likewise rather limited. For things at easy arm’s length, well, let’s just say running would be preferable to fighting with anything lying around. There is the paper-cutter down the hall by the window, but I might not have time to get there. Otherwise I’m stuck with scissors, a stapler (not even a red one), or clobbering the undead with my office chair. Not good odds; better to try to make a run for the parking lot.

    • Use the copy machine.. Everyone hates the copy machine.

      • Awwww, now you’ve hurt it’s feelings, copy machine just wants to be loved! 🙁

  16. Fuck I just had to read this at my Vo-Tech.. Umm.. Alright! I have two blunt objects that are a bit oddly shaped but could possibly work, there’s a room full of screw drivers just to my left about 15 feet, around 5 feet to my left is a soldering station with two soldering tools. I’d take both after unplugging them and attempt to use them to the best advantage I have. Good thing I’m a big guy so I can exert plenty of energy behind the spikes. Other than that? I’d have to get the fuck out and hope all the computers/desks will slow them down until I get to the construction building and pick myself up a hammer and crow bar.

    • If I had read this at my desk at home I had 3 possible tools, a hand gun that is an absolute piece of shit, my brand new multi use knife (Saw, fire striker, melee, and throwing), and a hammer sitting under my desk (because I played with it a little bit and threw it under my desk because I didn’t want to get back up and put it where it belonged.. Yay procrastination!)

      • Reminds me of that awesome slogan I saw online the other day: “Procrastiners of the world, unite! Tomorrow.”

        • Yeah we thought about going through with it.. Then we decided we’ll think about it tomorrow.

  17. Allright… A weapon… Let’s see…
    I have some books, lots of Lego and… my computer. I could try to strangle the zombies with a power cord. Other than that, I’m screwed. But if I notice them before they get in the house, I may have enough time to get to the next room, where I have a few baseball bats. Or to the kitchen and grab the biggest knife I can find. Or maybe I can scare them away with my music. I just hope they don’t like the Beatles.

    • Nope.. Zombies are more into the pop genre.

      • Now I see “Thriller” in my head.

      • “Did… you…hear… the new… Katy… Perry….? It’s… got… a… dubstep… feel…”

        • I do enjoy me some dubstep..

        • dubstep is rather good, but I do not approve of katy perry using it.

    • You could toss a munch of Legos on the floor to trip them up. Zombie or not, those little pieces hurt like crazy.

      • Toss in a four block!

  18. If I’m at home? Kitchen knives and a Maglite are about all that come to mind. (Don’t golf, don’t have a baseball bat or hockey stick, doubt my XC skis would suffice…)

    If I’m at work? Not much more than metresticks and rolled-up wall maps there. If I’m near the library, there’s the papercutter blade (like Dave, I’ve looked at that thing more than once – and the one at work just has a cotter pin on it). I suppose there’d be some sporting equipment of worth in the gym, but I don’t really have familiarity or demonstrated ability enough to make the PE teachers entrust me with anything too good.

    • We’ll be a merry band of men armed only with cheap paper slicers. Woe be to our enemies.

      • That would be quite a sight. You know if it has been done before in a movie or book, I mean, the paper cutter thing?

        • It seems to me that I have seen it in a movie, but I’m blanking on specifics. Must not have been a very good one.

        • Yeah.. I too have a déjà vu here. I see a scene where a dude shops a few limbs with a paper cutter as if the thing was a samurai blade… indeed, probably not the best movie ever.

        • That sounds about right, actually.

          I think anyone thinking a paper slicer would have that kind of ability would be very disappointed.

        • Yeah I’ve seen it to, but I couldn’t put a name to it to save my life.

        • “The Faculty.” I’m sure that this is the movie you all are referring to in terms of paper cutters and other handy dandy scholastic tools.


        • That’s it! And now that you mention it, I enjoyed that one.

        • Thanks Luis, that is indeed the movie I had in mind. We should suggest to BrickArms to make a Lego paper cutter.

        • Hey – my LEGO-fanatic cousin was an extra in “The Faculty,” if memory serves. Small world.

          As for the paper-cutter I have in mind, it’s a pretty substantial hunk of metal housing over the blade, so it’s got some heft and strength to it. Wouldn’t hold up forever, but still – good as it gets there.

  19. Obviously kitchen knives and I could probably weaponise some of the random stuff I have lying around (there are numerous shards and a couple of blades, although most are too small for a good weapon) but currently where I’m sitting the best weapon is a chair. I can indeed lift it and swing it around into things, although I accept it isn’t the best and only a bludgeon weapon.

  20. Alrighty…. I do have a machete and my “ninjato” I keep in my room, close to the bed. However, if a zombie attack happened and I had to react quickly in regards to where I’m sitting…. depending on the amount of time I’ve got to respond, I either grab the folding chair I’m sitting in and pummel it or the t.v. stand gets used on it. If I’ve enough time, I could probably and would likely grab the knife that is here at the desk.

    Little more time to prepare to grab it’s one of my display axes off the wall and getting my spear out to assemble together as it’s in two. If I’ve got time to get to the kitchen, there’s plenty of knives there.But I’m likely to stick to anything that keep things at a distance.

  21. I’m currently in my bathroom and after pulling up my pants I would grab the loo roll stand (not the wall holder more like a metal stick with a base to hold spare loo roll on) and smash the nearest zombie unless they weren’t yet through the door and there were non outside the window then I would jump out (live in a bungalow) and run to the workshop and get a better weapon 🙂 also I spent most of my time in the workshop and so would probably be there anyway 😉

  22. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one trapped in the bathroom today. =)

    But alas, I have no windows in my bathrooom so I still meet a gruesome end.

    • test baby

  23. [Assuming they are inside the house, which isn’t too big] I’m kinda screwed (as well as my son).

    Currently in a small guest room in my house, serving as my man-cave when unused. My 20 year old son’s reading downstairs in the living room. I’d have to temporarily lock the door; barricade it with a small armoire. The door is safe, but I now have to get out ASAP.

    Fortunately, there’s a window and I could climb out, and onto the garage roof jump off. I’d try to throw the blanket over the head of the neaest zee, for some blinding and distracting action, and use the 3 foot metal shelving in the closet as a pushing/distancing device, or for one or two good whacks. Thak you, Home Depot..

    Depending on how many are in the house and in the dammend cul-de-sac, I would try to make some noise and attempt to draw them outside and give my son a chance. Bonus round if I could open the garage, literally the space below my current room, and access all manner of woodworking and gardening tools. It breaks my heart that every second wasted is one bite closer to wiping out my son, since he is right by the entrance the zees would use.

  24. I find it interesting that in both fiction and real life, movie cameras are generally respected. Granted, you have to in the POW type movies; but even the ones where there are multiple cameras, the irritated people yell at the camera user, as in this episode, rather than swatting the thing out of his/her hand and shoving ‘m off towards the egress path.

    Yesterday, in Seattle (my backyard), we had yet another one of those Starbuck’s induced riots Seattle is starting to become known for. In the midst of the craziness, I noticed that the cameras get jostled, but by accident. You don’t see people smacking the thing from the camera crew’s hands.

  25. I love Lego zombies :)!!!!

  26. Neat variation for today’s comic. In response to your question, I’m at my computer desk in the living room, and I’ve got a Cold Steel Norse Hawk and 12″ Seax machete under the desk itself (my modern Viking set), then in the chair next to me is my Bag of Evil with a CZ-82 pistol, along with several knives. There’s also two swords and a battle ax hanging from the walls (we like RenFest decorations). Then there’s the Cold Steel Walkabout heavy-duty walking stick next to the front door (that thing’s nearly a baseball bat!).

  27. If at home, my Dad owns some rifles I can shoot, but are about 6 or 7 meters from my room. So my best bet could be the golf clubs I have in my closet.
    If I am at school, well, options are minimal. I’d run to the Industrial Arts class or PE room to get either a baseball bat or some pretty heavy hammers. I’d all depend on my location at the time.

  28. I think that if there WAS a zombie apocalypse, I would get myself together and make the trek all the way from California (Here) to where you guys all are, you guys seem extremely prepared.

  29. heh. I see some of my own personality in Murphy in panel 4. I get the feeling that’s just how I’d react.

  30. Right now, I ‘m in my room where I only got access to a knife and a pair of scissors. Luckily, I ‘m only a few meters away from the kitchen where I could get my hands on more useful things.

  31. Well, I’m in my room at the moment. I would love to go for my Bowie Knife but that is to close to the door. I’ll use my cats scratching post. Nice decent sized cone to whack them with…

  32. 100 comments? YES WE CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  33. I think you did an excellent job with the display, especially for a Lego based video recording! Lego is simplified in many cases 😀 Good job! :3

  34. Nice job on the camera effect Dave.
    To answer the question, I’m screwed 🙁 Unless I update the garden scene from “Shaun of the Dead” by using my dvd collection instead of lp’s…….I’ve got nothing “zombie-crushing” to hand. My only option is out the window into the garden and raid the shed for tools!

  35. PILLOW FIGHT!!! 😀

  36. Seriously though. Why does nobody ever use pillows?

  37. Cuz, everyone knows that zombies are allergic to feathers, we don’t want them to cattch a cold on their whole rampaging and spreading of death thing. (duh) 😉

    • Oh, I see. Lol

  38. Right now there’s one of those expandable police batons behind me… That’ll do!

  39. For the question, I do have a guitar right next to my computer, but that would break after the first hit. After that, I’d pick up the printer, and take a couple swings with that. Once my arms break from flailing Cold War technology around, I’s make a break for it. Damn, I am not prepared at all.

  40. The room I’m in now that’s got my desktop in it has all sorts of junk in it. Most of which probably wouldn’t do all that will in case of a zombie attack. There’s a bookshelf that could possibly be knocked over to block the entrance. Other than that my best bet are probably the folding chairs that could potentially be used for a WWF style smack-down.

    The camera effect turned out real good in this episode. I’m wondering how it would have looked overlaying using Lego for the battery and recording symbol in the overlay.

  41. I like the camera POV style, it looks very nice. It’s simple, but it feels like it fits with the simplicity of Lego in general. (In a world where people don’t have noses, I’d imagine camera screens wouldn’t have many icons.) Nice job.

    • Thank you.

  42. Crowbar. The kind with the curve, you know? Good for piercing a zombie head, good for prying. All around solid, never wears out. If I lose it, I can get another one from an abandoned car. Best weapon/tool EVAR!!!!

  43. I would probably have gone with “Turn it off or I will turn it off for you” myself, Murphs.

    Sitting at my desk in my room, I do in fact have a rifle across the room from me, but this being the UK, it’s not a real one, just a replica for display. It’s the same size as a real one though, so it’s got a fair bit of heft to it. It’s probably better than the practice sword, but not so good as the bat in my bedroom down the hall. If I happen to be in the kitchen, there are of course all manner of knives in there, and we have a number of shovels outside.
    Even if I get caught away from home (and I can’t carry a weapon on me here), I like my chances; I’m no great martial artist, but I know enough of the basics to feel confident dropping a zombie to the floor, where I can kick/stomp it’s head. I wear boots not shoes, btw.