Episode 270: Shhh!

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Dave

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Zombie Cliche Lookout: Hey Guys

Noise discipline is serious business in the zombie apocalypse. While we can’t know for sure how the zombies will track their prey, it just makes sense to minimize any sort of noise we make even if the zeds are completely deaf. Of course, they’re likely not completely deaf. Odds are, they have more or less the same level of capability as we do, accepting any sort of trauma the occurred between being a living person and becoming a horrible zombie, of course.

And there’s always one person in the group who can’t quite wrap their head around the concept, or just constantly forgets and defaults back into their normal modus operandi: loud. Coincidentally, that person also tends to have a few other issues as far as general survivability and not being a huge liability to the group.

About this Episode:

In the script for today’s episode, that’s Ted yelling off camera about finding Clark. That’s probably obvious from having read the zombie cliche lookout, or just from knowing Ted’s character, but I thought I would make it clear.

I really wish there were more faces with eyes closed. This one here is about as good as it gets, or ay least as good as I have. Something about the peaceful expression on Clark’s face just seems off, considering his current nap is caused by getting hit by a couple of tons of van.

Discussion Question: Historical Zombies

I always love imagining zombies in other time period and thinking about how the people then would react. So for this discussion question, what culture from what time period do you guys think would do the best against an army of the walking dead? For instance, the Spatans thanks to their almost complete dedication to all things martial, or the ancient Egyptians thanks to their methods of burial (scrambling up the brain with a bit of metal).

57 thoughts on “Episode 270: Shhh!”

  1. I wish they’d stop yelling and just get him in the van already! 😀 If they hurry, they can avoid unpleasant zombie encounters! 😉

    • They could indeed, but where’s the fun in that?

  2. I should think just about any culture with a martial subculture would do well. Obviously there’d be some variation. A bunch of Hawaiian warriors (of any time period, since they didn’t change much over time) dressed in a loin-clothes and waving wooden clubs probably wouldn’t fare as well as some 13th century German knights in full mail wielding sword and shield, or heaven forbid some high 15th century knights in full plate wielding warhammers, poleaxes, and maces.

    On the other hand, you do say a culture, not the warrior aspect found in many cultures, so you’ve also got to consider how some cultures may have very few actual warriors relative to farmers and such, though you’ve also got to consider that just because some dude is a mere farmer doesn’t mean he isn’t going to go to town with a messer (German machete like sword commonly thought to have developed as a common man’s weapon) or a agricultural flail (can you say “messy?”).

    • “On the other hand, you do say a culture, not the warrior aspect found in many cultures”

      Yeah, I think this is one of the key things. The military is always such a minority of the population.

      • Theres always an abandoned millitary base, I just hate that.

        • I grew up right next to one. It was partially taken over by the town and a couple of private businesses, but a lot of it was just left to rot too. It was cool to explore.

        • i live about 30 minutes from the Hill Air Force Base in Utah, its got barbed wire and a fence, but its also a museum, you still cant fight teh air force though.

  3. Vikings, definitely. Nothing much stopped them, and according to Deadliest Warrior, their weapons were some of the most effective killing devices ever made prior to the invention of gunpowder.

    • Not a bad choice. I imagine the fact that they were at sea frequently would be another plus. So long as they dispatched the infected quickly, not zombies are going to get them on boats.

      • Did you read the Marvel Comics Thor miniseries where the God o
        Thunder had to go up against a mess of super-zombies? I think it was a Garth Ennis miniseries; and they kicked his ass royally. It was awesome.

        • Hah, I didn’t read any of those Marvel zombie books. Never been too into superheroes, but I’ve been tempted by those a few times now.

        • Nah, it wasn’t Marvel Zombies. That was effin’ lame. This is more Thor vs. supernatural undead, more lich than zombie. It was awesome.

        • Oh, I hadn’t even heard of that one.

        • I’m not a comic book Nerd, no offence though, they dont even sell comic books anymore, i dont think anyway, all i can find is Red Faction and the new skrewey comics

        • I’m pretty sure they still sell comics. There was a pretty good sized shop by the house I just moved from.

        • then theres almost no comic stores where i come from. i havent seen one of those things since i was in Orgen (However you spell that)

    • Deadliest Warrior is a load of bullshit. They couldn’t even be bothered to call the weapons by the correct name (Longsword means a two-hander, Mr. Expert.) and the shield they showed was strapped instead of held in center, their “experts” fought like morons… need I go on? They utterly fail to get things historical on that show, then play some number games on a calculator and pretend that because a weapon did X amount of arbitary damage, they can figure out that this guy obviously beats this guy… Again, bullshit, pandering to the ignorant and WWE fans.

    • Also, nothing much stopped them, except you know, any time they faced an actual army and not just weak resistance from priests and such. I’m not knocking their individual skill or saying they wouldn’t do well against zombies, but the fact is that the Norse (not Vikings, Viking is basically another word for Pirate or Raider) did not do all that well in mass battles and tended to avoid them. A certain “Viking” king tried to fight in a mass battle at the end of the “Viking” age, and got an arrow in his eye and his army slaughtered for his troubles.

      • That was a Saxon king, not a Viking one. However, a week earlier than the battle of Hastings a Viking army got destroyed by England while they were hanging out by a bridge.

    • Sorry if I’m coming across harshly here, but I really do not like shows like Deadliest Warrior. As a result of that show you’re talking about “Vikings” having “some of the most effective killing devices ever made prior to the invention of gunpowder” despite the fact that the show never actually showed you any of that.

      Relevant Website: http://www.hurstwic.org/history/articles/manufacturing/text/arms.htm#technique

      • The show is pure entertainment, boiling down things into an arbitrary, Dungeons and Dragons sort of numbers game. I’ve noticed some inaccuracies myself, and I’m not a huge military history fan.

        That said, as a nerdy, silly, unscientific/historical show, it’s fairly entertaining.

      • Agreed, nothing but a bunch of geeks playing an advanced game of Dungeons and Dragons. I especially like it when the pit two completely different warriors with weapons and tactics developed for compleltley different circumstances against each other. Hey. lets have a ninja battle a spartan warrior, what a great matchup…….total BS.

        • LOL Just for the record Dave I didnt copy you on the D & D comment. We must have been tying our posts simultaneously. Oh well….great minds and all that.

        • It’s an apt comparison. You’re breaking down fights to arbitrary numbers and plugging it into a random number generator.

  4. One of the many Native American tribes.. I know that’s very broad, but most tribes were versed in guerrilla warfare, made their own bows, and stealth was pretty much a must. All tribes had survival skills, lived off the land, and a good amount were nomadic. If there was a zombie gathering it wouldn’t take them long to pack up and leave with in a days time.

    But of course this all depends on the time period as well.. If you put it before colonial times, and before there were European settlers.. The most activity of the undead will be from the south. That’s a long ways to travel for a zombie IF they could even make it passed the rivers in their way.

    If it was after, or some where in the 1860’s – 1880’s.. You’d not only find bows, tomahawks, or maces.. You’d also find lever action rifles and revolves in the bunch. But there will also be a much larger undead problem. As well more ‘civilized’ tribes could have possibly gone out of contact with the survivalist inside.

    • In both time periods! You still have bandits and raiders… SO yeah.

      • Very well thought out, Calicade!

  5. I think you did alright for the episode with Clark looking knocked out, especially given which pieces there are to work with.

    Most of what I would have said for time eras has been taken. Vikings and Medieval eras. Those who’ve got armor or can make it are likely to fair better.

    • Yeah, given what’s available, this will do.

      I think most will default to the medieval era, or thereabouts.

  6. I’m thinking that Timujin, a.k.a. Genhis Khan, and his Mongol warriors would have been a formidable force against their zeepoc. Though, the Bubonic Plague (which I keep postulating will, in a mutated variant, be the source of our zeepoc) did eventually contribute to bring down their empire.

    • Horse archers versus zombies. Sounds awesome!

  7. I think that yelling is a bad idea in the zombie apcoolipse, if anything, you want to go to the country if you want to yell anything.

    • Agreed, but watch out for county zombies.

      • you mean the drunken hillbilly zombies? who usually have guns in their house? all you have to do is sleep in a car like mine, its got 12 seats!

        • Well I was just talking about zombies in the woods and fields and whatnot, but hillbilly zeds work too.

        • And theres almost no zombies anyway for 5 monthes! Just ask teh people from season one from the walking dead.

  8. To me, it’s not the warriors that would kick so much ass; but the culture’s way of dealing with the dead. In my opinion here, the more superstitious the people, the better. I am thinking fourteenth century Europe. The Plague was in full swing. Gunpowder was just coming into its own, along with the printing press. The folks were war-torn, brutal, and superstitious mixed with cleverness. They would put down a zombie outbreak by making sure they sufficiently pulverized and burned the bodies. They would TCB in the way that only the Spanish Inquisition could. Even the peasants were tough, in that respect. If you’ve read Barbara Tuchman’s work on the subject, A Distant Mirror: The Calamitous 14th Century, she describes a favorite pastime of the period was nailing a effing CAT to a board and trying to kill it with your HEAD while the nailed down cat has its claws and teeth to go after the participants eyes and face. Brutal.

    • Has anyone here seen the exacutioner in Resident Evil 5? Hes got freaking nails sticking out of his skin! that would be an epic zombie. no question

    • That’s… that’s a hell of a game right there.

      • but most of the zombies are intellegent, i dont like that they carry machete’s and baseball bats. It’s still a pretty fun game. If you really want a kind of realistic game, play Left 4 Dead 2.

        • Aren’t they not zombies in RE4 and on? They’re some sort a parasite thing, right?

        • i dont know, ive never played Left 4 Dead.

        • Um, okay.

        • AC, resident evil and L4D are different entirely… Might want to google it just to get a basis. There are a few gamers to this site and it would be helpful to know. I only play L4D when I’m entertaining guest. Don’t play Resident Evil though.

        • OK, I’m a gamer, And Ive played the RE games… There are like 10 types of the “standard” zed virus, and a few of them make the giant monsters… And in RE5, the zed in that one are indeed infected with a parasite called Las Plaga, It first came to be in RE4, Leon found it, while he was trying to rescue the president’s daughter Ashley… And so on, If I remember correctly, the T virus was the first, then a lot more, some of them are mutations… In RE6, there is I THINK a combo of them all… That is my state…

  9. I’m finally caught up again and I must say….WOW! Very interesting stuff going on! I can’t wait to see more! :3

    • Glad to see you back, Lecter!

      • Isnt that the author of the trouble making trio or something?

        • Trailer Park Trio. And yes, it is.

        • why isnt it on the BCN? its got more than 40 comics

        • It is, under TMAOTTPT, or something similar.

  10. In the animal kingdom, the human bite is actually pretty pathetic. My point being it wouldn’t take plate armor or chain mail to stop a zombified human from biting you and the added weight might be a detriment. If I ever did find myself in the middle of the ZA my personel choice would be a good set of motorcycle leathers and some type of police riot helmet.
    As far as a general historical population best prepared for the ZA my answer might surprise you, but Im thinking the settlers of the American west. I have read that most of the men at the heads of families that settled the west were actaully veterans of the civil war and not just helpless hayseed farmers like they are portrayed in movies. EVERYONE was armed and had a good working knowledge of firearms. And nearly everyone had the skills required for self sufficiency. They used horses or other draft animals for mobility so fuel wasn’t a problem. They had to be constantly prepared for all kinds of dangers including marauding natives and there was usually some kind of fort nearby where they could pull back to in times of trouble. There might even be a Calvary regiment nearby and men on horses armed with rifles and sabers seems like they would be pretty effective against zeds. Plus there were fewer people around to get zombified and become a threat.

    • Consider that after the Revolutionary War when the American government was trying to tax farmers and such they simply got all their ex-army buddies together and made their own little armies. Back in the day farmers were all badasses.

      • I’m digging the Western and Revolutionary settings here. Both great suggestions. I’d add another strength to the western column: isolation. Many areas simply weren’t that populous, which means potentially significantly fewer zeds to deal with.

  11. does this discussion call for the past, cuz I was thinking in the future… Mayhap in a fiction setting, but still… Mine would be the humans from HALO, but they never really tell the stories of the regular people… I would think that at the very least, the farmers with their solar powered farming equipment would work nicely for an anti zed defense… Just have the thing roam the fields around the house, and have it “harvest” the zed.

    If that’s not an option, I would choose the Eskimos, they live in the icy world of the north, so they could just wait for the zed to freeze, and then shatter their heads, and then just take cover in their stone-like igloos, with bolt holes.

  12. I would think… modern America, cuz we have guns.

  13. If you aren’t well armed, keeping the noise down is a good idea, yeah.

    Question:
    Pretty much any historical period would do better than most modern areas. Prior to the 20th century, it was normal for men to carry weapons across most of the world, with a few exceptions. These days, even in countries that still have the right to bear arms, in many places those who chose to exercise that right are stigmatised.