Bonus Features Episode 30: Lawyer Up

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Dave

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Bonus Feature Cliché Lookout: I Want My Lawyer

Here’s the thing about people demanding lawyers when they’re being questioned by the police: TV and movies have conditioned us to think that it’s something only bad guys do to give the cops a hard time, bide time, and eventually get out of trouble on a “technicality”. In reality you’d be absolutely stupid not to. In the media, the police are always the good guys, and their suspects are invariably guilty (unless the episode is only half-over and they’re the red-herring character, of course). The calling the lawyer thing, along with taking the fifth and demanding a warrant before allowing a search, is something only bad guys do. These are not things that reasonable people should do to protect themselves from getting railroaded by overzealous police, at least according to popular media.

Innocent characters tend to say things like “Why do I need a lawyer, I’m not guilty,” or “Of course I’ll talk to the police, I have nothing to hide.” This makes me think that innocent people are stupid. If you’re innocent, it can be pretty easy to accidentally introduce inconsistencies into your story during questioning, or to accidentally volunteer some information which might give them further reason to suspect you. And if you’re guilty, well, you need all the help you can get, don’t you?

About this Episode:

I wrote this one for my wife. Characters in TV shows and movies who happily talk to the police because they “have nothing to hide” are one of her biggest pet peeves. Right up there with the characters who ignore their lawyer’s advice to shut the hell up and then end up torpedoing their own case. As a result, we don’t watch many police procedurals.

Anyone care to guess what my wife does for a living?

58 thoughts on “Bonus Features Episode 30: Lawyer Up”

  1. Okay, I thought we were supposed to get a regular episode on Wednesday? Dave, what happened? 😀

    • Don’t worry, we’re just finishing up The Bonus Features story. The regular comic returns on Monday.

  2. Your wife is a lawyer.. Stop bragging, because you already told me this.
    (Trololol)

    • Yes, I think Dave mentionned it here before! Just 1 question, what is that thing on the table?

      • Hmm.. Thinking rationally and with the thought of realism here… Most likely a stripper pole.

        • Ha! Of course!

        • 1. I’m proud of my wife.
          2. That’s supposed to be a lamp, but it isn’t a very good one.

        • Yes, yes, yes.. We’re all proud of your wife Dave…

          But no really.. I do think it’s pretty cool that she is a lawyer… The study of law is a long and filled with studious work.. So yeah it’s something to respect none the less.. Unless they run to be a politician.. Then I can’t respect that.. I hate politicians :P.

        • Don’t worry, there’s no danger of politics in her future.

        • I just realized that my dialog covers the lamp part of the lamp in every damn frame. Nice going, Dave.

          Friday’s episode isn’t much better.

        • Dave.. Stop lying to us.. It’s a stripper pole and the Department of Justice has all their meetings at this club.

        • I thought it was a recording/transmitting device. Don’t they always have that in the middle of the table, to record anything you say to use against you in a court of law?

        • They might. I’ve been deposed twice, testified in court once, and they never had a recording. During all three occasions there was a court stenographer.

      • As far as the lamp goes, you should have and could have swiped that chibi lamp design out of the Friend’s set Emma’s Design Studio.

        • Oh yeah. That’s a clever build!

  3. While a smart move, I’m worried about where this is going and…hang on…wednesday…bonus features…oh my gawd, the main comic’s on hiatus until this investigation’s over! Come on, Dave! You have to win this! Where’s a stray zombie when you need them.

    • Don’t worry, after Friday’s finale, we’re back to the regular comic.

  4. Yes, for the love of all holy, lawyer the hell up. By definition the United States has an adversarial criminal justice system. In any investigation, the State (local or federal, the “State” meaning “government”) is in search of bodies. The US has more persons per capita incarcerated than any other industrialized nation. That mean the government has a very good track record at putting people in jail. It’s a multi-billion dollar spinoff of the military-industrial complex; and you can’t beat it without a good attorney.

    In sum, in any dealing with the police (as witness, defendant, or complainant) 1) shut up, 2) lawyer up, and 3) shut up again (so important I had to say it twice. Do not talk to anyone while in custody, except your attorney.

    • ^ This ^

      • Word.

  5. So, are you callin in your wife to help you in this situation? 😛

    • I’d love to see a cameo!

      • Here’s the problem with that: my wife looks pretty much like Cheryl, which I think would be confusing and weird.

        But don’t worry, I’ve got a lawyer; we’ve already seen him in the strip once.

  6. Dude! I am so with Dave’s wife on this. I cannot watch Law & Order SVU anymore. They always assume that the person is gulty. AND when they find out that they are wrong, they are all like “we’ll get you next time!” Hate that! Innocent until proven guilty people.

    • I couldn’t watch any of it in the first place… Instead I went outside and got into abandoned houses to look for stuff interesting ~ ADVENTURE!.. Much funner than these TV’s..

      Though I agree.. The tropes of the TV are rather awful.. Pain rapingly awful.

      • You should come visit Detroit, Calicade. Some pretty spectacular abandon homes and businesses around here. Unfortunately, a lot of them are getting bulldozed.

        • Damn.. I should.. I absolutely love going into abandoned places for sure.. I have yet to go into a normal house though.. I’d like to also explore an old warehouse, but there’s a lot of places I’d like search/scavenge.

          I’ve found a rather useful crowbar one time, and a few bottle caps for my bottle cap collection.

    • The worst one for me is the original CSI. The boss on that show was insufferable when dealing with suspect. Everyone was guilty until proven otherwise, and even then he figured they were guilty of something else.

      • I thought “Innocent until proven guilty” was a courtroom thing, that the cops are supposed to suspect everyone?

  7. Dave: I appreciate you pointing this out. Pop culture probably causes a lot of unnecessary imprisonment of innocent people in America. Remember: just ’cause you’ve got nothing to hide, that doesn’t mean you’ve got nothing to fear! (Well, there’s the zombies, too, but that wasn’t what I meant…)

    • “Remember: just ’cause you’ve got nothing to hide, that doesn’t mean you’ve got nothing to fear!”

      Well said

  8. I don’t think people are stupid about legal matters; rather, naive or ignorant of both rights and legal processes. For example, media makes a big deal everytime someone pleads not-guilty in an arraingment. Well, that’s what we’re supposed to plead since the burden of proof is on the state; they are the ones who have to make the case for why we were arrested in the first place.

    TV lawyer & court shows drive me crazy!

    I’d be great to have your wife make a cameo! I chuckle at the many reactions she could have at your “getting caught again,”

    • I believe that a cameo might be a little inpossibru, because it would pose a conflict of interest scenario.

      • Conflict of interest?

        • I may be wrong on this.. Lemme look ‘er up.

        • Are you thinking that a lawyer couldn’t represent their spouse?

        • What I was thinking was a bit off from my original thought.. It’s the fact that there would be a personal interest in the scenario.. Even if the lawyer is suppose to make sure you stay out of jail as much as possible anyways.

        • You know, Dave, I don’t see why there’s any reason your wife shouldn’t represent you! After all, she wants you all to herself, right? 😉 Oh wait, is that a possible conflict of interest? Nah, it couldn’t happen in this webcomic! 😀

      • Bwa, ha, ha!! In a comic strip where zombies are hacked to chum by loved ones, I think that the Conflict of Interestest ship has long saliled!

        Though, yes, I do understand what you mean Calicade. 😀

    • “[…] that’s what we’re supposed to plead since the burden of proof is on the state; they are the ones who have to make the case for why we were arrested in the first place.”

      Damn straight! This is why I was so confused by everyone’ outrage at the jurors following the Casey Anthony trial. Was she guilty? Probably. But it doesn’t sound like the government met the burden of proof. That’s how the system works.

      • Yeah I never understood the anger behind the Casey Anthony trial, and the anger that followed.. If she was found innocent.. Then that is exactly what she is by any legal standings.

        I personally couldn’t give even half a shit about what she had or hadn’t done.

        • What she was accused of doing was monstrous, and I personally think she did it. I can see the anger directed at the state for not making the case, but certainly not the jury.

          By the same token, she was found not guilty by a jury of her peers, but regardless her life is pretty well ruined. The woman is in hiding, and probably will be for the foreseeable future.

        • On one hand, I’d love to see this laid to rest.

          But as it’s brought up.

          The Jury had been led to believe the state would have all the evidence laid out for proof and there’s a lot of facts and details, plus procedures that weren’t handled well and in some cases, the ball was dropped.

        • I live in Orlando and FL just passed a law making it a felony to not report a child missing within 24 hours. It was a circus here and the entire city was looking for this little girl. I hate the way cases like these are played out in public and I firmly believe in the innocent until proven guilty but she really pushed that as far as she could by not cooperating with the police.

          I lost my son at Sea World for about 10 minutes and it was the most horrific 10 minutes of my life. I don’t know if she killed her but she definitely needed to pay for haveing such little regard for her MISSING daughter. And I guess she did pay with 3 years time served. Just sad that such a cute little girl suffered and no one has to pay for it.

        • You’re not supposed to cooperate with the police. It’s a good way to get charged by an overzealous prosecutor.

          Always make them prove everything, guilty or not, whether witness of defendant. It’s too easy to end up in jail these days.

        • @Bo – I see your point, of course. But when your story is that your daughter is missing/presumably kidnapped, yes, you are supposed to cooperate with the police.

        • Right up until the police name you a “person of interest”, maybe. I’d still call a lawyer (and I don’t trust attorneys, either). That is, if my kid disappeared, I’d probably call a lawyer.

      • Re: Not Cooperating with Cops. My 3 children are now grown, however, if they had gone missing I would have called the cops soon after checking out the obvious (depending on age: family, friends, school, neighbors). Being temporally seen as a Person of Interest is a very small price to pay for the well-being of my children. I currently help care for a 5 and 6 year old and I wouldn’t hesitate making the call today.

  9. But yeah, even in my divorce proceedings I went through, I learned to get a lawyer, because even if you’re in the right, the other side is going to play dirty pool and do everything they can to stick it to you.

    But I say it says something about my X that he went through two lawyers who both dropped him due to his lack and refusal to work with them, me or the Court in getting everything finalized for the divorce.

    • Oh yeah. A lawyer is just like any other professional. They’ll drop a client who isn’t pulling their weight.

    • Wish my divorce lawyer had been tougher. She was more worried about the house I didn’t want than the custody that I did want.

      Personally I think she was friends with my x’s lawyer. She talked more to him during proceedings than she did to me. Stupid heffer!! lol

  10. Your wife is really a thief and she knows the justice system from the inside – the wrong side. Right?

    • If that were true I could update this comic seven days a week because I wouldn’t have to work.

      • And Dave would instead be called.
        “Boy Toy Dave”
        Because that’s how it works when your a criminal masterminds bitch.. Your name gets changed.

  11. Pls put the next episode up today or tomorrow pls :)!!!! 🙂

    • Hah. The next episode is Friday, per usual. It will be the final Bonus Feature. Regular Bricks of the Dead returns on Monday.

      • I would like to see the break room for BotD it seems like it could be inhteresting.

  12. Ok 🙂